From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I am never drinking with the goths again.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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