I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
