I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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