I just made out with a guy for $7.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize