Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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