I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize