All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
