Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Randomize
