she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
