That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize