The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
