i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
