It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
