Your tits are I can't wait for
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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