The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
