life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
