..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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