Screwed.edu
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
meet me or not, i'm out of control
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
