we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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