I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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