Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
