it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
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