Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
just tell him i said nine months
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
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