Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Randomize