Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
