i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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