I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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