I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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