She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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