I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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