It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
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