bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Randomize
