took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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