so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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