I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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