If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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