The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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