I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
