I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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