You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize