actually, I'm a sock model
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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