I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
