Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Randomize
