Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
