If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Randomize