Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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