just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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