Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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