Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
