i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Randomize
