How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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