I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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