The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
