no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
