literally had 100 drinks last night.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
