a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
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