yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
