just come out here and I will go home with you...
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
It's blow job season.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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