oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
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