If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
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