i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
