dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
My feet surprised me
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