gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I'm sobbing to NWA
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
