Got a toothbrush?
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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