she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
