Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
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