so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
