Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
