'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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