Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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